So...Now you're a Grandparent!

So...now you're a Grandparent!

Now that I am a grandparent I can honestly say that being a parent is one of the hardest things you'll ever do; but in exchange, parenting teaches you the meaning of unconditional love. Proof of this fact is that every parent thinks their little bundle of joy as the cutest, smartest, most magical being the universe has ever seen; that first smile!; those first steps!; those first words!

Let's be honest...we all have the Best Baby!

This phenomenon gets even more emphasized when one becomes a Grandparent. A grandparent understands how holding a peaceful, sleeping baby can bring tears to your eyes; in the comfort of your arms, how is it possible to love so deeply? Though we know from a distant, foggy past that challenges will arrive, holding a baby close seems more like a dream you never want to end. Grandparents know that the moment you inhale their sweet baby scent that you can't hold those minis close enough; kissing their soft little foreheads and repeatedly counting tiny toes and fingers. Grandparents never tire of these phenomenons because the baby they are holding is the cutest, smartest, most magical being! See how it comes full circle?

In addition, these grandchildren can also make normally sensible people do the funniest things. Pretend to be a horse and crawl around on your knees with riders on your back? For how long? Ride up and down, up and down, up and down on the escalator and elevator at the mall? No problem. Pretend to be a patient and get pricked, prodded and poked? Your wish is my command. Allow them to "style" your hair and risk having a brush tangle? Sure! In fact, as they grow into little people, there is no limit to the surprises. Poop. Pee. Puke. Snot in your hair? Bring it on! These little pieces of DNA change our perspectives in ways that mellow, calm and humor us. And the words that exit their mouths (!) sometimes make their parents wish they could run sprints to cover those darling lips; parental exposure can happen in a heartbeat! It is a wonder to watch how they absorb, like a sponge, changing and assimilating everything around them; they become the greatest source of fascination and happiness. 

In fact, no achievement is mundane; they are short of Einsteinian proteges. 

So truly, at sixty one, I have a lot I didn’t when I was 25. No, I don’t mean cars, jewelry or any other material thing. I’m talking about the time I get to spend with my granddaughters. They are sweet and saucy, fun and games and their wild enthusiasm keeps me vibrant; I have a thrilling luxury. I don’t have to cope with the distractions and pressures of parenting and yes, although it may seem like a joke, you can give them back to their parents at the end of the day - after they've consumed ice cream, candy and cake!

I have no idea what my life would be like without these giggly, silly examples of what love and beauty is in an often uncertain world. And just saying…if you see my grandchildren, you’ll have to agree, they could be models, scientists, doctors, astronauts... because they really are the cutest, smartest, most magical beings. Carpe Diem.

                                   Change change

Ben Franklin penned the phrase that nothing is certain in life but death and taxes. It is true, there are certain occurrences that are common to everyone, ones that cannot be avoided: man cannot escape his mortality or paying his taxes. However, I would like to add another certainty: Change. You can be sure, although human nature is prone to feeling comfortable with constants, mostly unexpected and sometimes expected changes will alter our lives; sometimes with terrific outcomes and other times ruining even the best laid plans. With some changes we are overcome with excitement and happiness and others cause despair and frustration. Either way, change is here to stay. It was here before our beginning and will be here after we leave. 

Although life requires us to be responsible, we must remember that even if we were to spend every spare moment on planning, preparing and prearranging, change is inevitable. Nothing will keep life from occasionally striking down our careful strategizing. Everything goes out the window. Time stands still, moments are flattened into immobility. No one is immune. It is a guarantee. But here’s another certainty. We are programmed to pick ourselves up when life becomes suddenly scary, blowing to bits our lives. It may take some time, but we can stand up and face our challenges. Sometimes it requires grieving, or change of direction, or even reorganizing whole segments of one's life; however, impossible it may seem at the moment, we can upright, adjust, modify. Change change.

By nature, some of us are methodical and set in our ways. Change is difficult for us. Being sporadic is discomfiting. But because change is inescapable, we have to stop trying to hold it at arms length. Perhaps we need to look at change differently. Maybe change is the fuse that propels us forward into a place that’s entirely new and different than we would go. Maybe there will be another person to love or another opportunity to search. Perhaps it allows for another variation of who we are. When we realize that everything won’t always remain as it is, we give ourselves a bit of breathing room.We begin to accept change for what it is: Growth to understand ourselves.

By all means, have a plan B in your back pocket, but don’t rely on that not changing also. If nothing ever changed in life, day after day, where nothing was different, we would never have an opportunity to advance or expand our heart and mind. Without realizing it, we begin to realize that change essentially means we are alive; the ability to experience new experiences, feel new feelings, be an integral part of life around you. Sometimes it is messy and sometimes it is marvelous, but we cannot understand the one without the other.

So the next time change drop-kicks you to your knees or elates you to dance for joy, try to take a moment and reflect on the stunning, new change and follow the direction it is taking you. Carpe diem!

 SOCIAL ANXIETY

I will admit it. I am socially weird and that is why I like to write. Writing is a way to expel the thoughts that are always rattling floating around in my head; my mind is always “on”. However, in social settings, I am usually the one standing alone in the corner of the room, staring out the window at some distant view or begging for a chore to keep myself busy, moving around the room to avoid conversation. I can be hard to approach and difficult to talk to. Sometimes I drift into my own thoughts and am unwilling to share them. This can cast me as being aloof, unsociable or even snobbish. But this is where I am misunderstood.

Do not get me wrong. I enjoy a good, deep conversation about important, complicated and complex things along with the rest, but if truth be told, I have trust issues. It takes a long time for me to “warm up” to people and by the time I finally find someone to converse with, it is time to go home only having to start this process all over again at the next gathering, usually with a new group of people. When I think holidays and parties, I am filled with a mixture of feelings ranging from joyous exhilaration to uncomfortable dread. I may seem all cool and collected on the outside, wearing a perfectly tailored look to appease whatever group I land up in, but inside?  Not so much. Inside, I am Jello left out on the kitchen counter overnight; an ice cream cone melting on a sizzling day; a drooping flower that has not been watered in a month. In fact, it was brought to my attention recently that perhaps I have social anxiety.

To compensate for all this, I learned a long time ago to be my own Zen Pal. Now this may seem like a self-love that thinks no one can meet my expectations, but no. Instead, I have become my toughest critic: I expect perfection; I loathe laziness; I have a hard time being spontaneous. But by focusing on myself as a priority and how I feel, I can take a deep breath, remind myself to take things in stride and go with the flow.  And if all else fails? Splurge on an ice cream sundae.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I know I am not the only one who feels this way. We all compensate in different ways, but we cannot be “Mr. Confidence” all the time. The bottom line? We all need to accept our strengths, our weaknesses and EVERYTHING in between. Even at age 60/70/80+ it is OK to be a work in progress. This past year has been a difficult one for many of us. However, growing confidence in one area allows us to move on and work on other areas. Let’s get outdoors and get back to living! Be kind to yourself, together we are incredibly resilient.

Carpe Diem!

MUSIC TO MY EARS 

Music is music to my ears. If you were to look at my playlist you would see anything from lullabies to Club, Soul, Classical, New Age, Gospel; it is a salad bowl of anything goes, in several languages. Of course, like most people, I sort my music into specific playlists, but when I am out walking, I listen to all my songs in alphabetical order so there is A LOT of diversity. “A Lovely Night” to “Zero”; Disney, Chicago, Rush, Earth, Wind and Fire, Big Generator.  There is “Christmas Island” by Jimmy Buffet, (the song I’ve listened to the most: 292 times!) and “By the Light of the Moon” by D Simonet (that I still have not listened to).

This mix up is a result of the fact that I just plain love music. I am not much of a musical instrument player even though I took lessons in piano, organ and flute. But my mind is programmed to HEAR music. There is no such thing as “background” music in my world. For example, I cannot read a book while music is playing because I am concentrating on the musical instruments, how they are playing separately and/or the harmonious sounds…then just add a singer and I can do nothing else but be all ears.

It is a known fact that often, listening to music conjures thoughts or moods that one attaches to specific songs, melodies or words. For example: when I hear “Amazing Grace” I am back in my sandbox as a child, belting it out, “You are my Sunshine” is my marriage mantra, “Back to the Islands” transports me to St John where I love spending time with my family. “Better together” is for Eddie, “Mexico” for Brian and Melanie “Cheeseburger in Paradise” for Scott, “Hallelujah” for Matthew and Deborah, “Butterfly Kisses” for Kaitlyn and “How Deep is the Ocean” for Olivia and Avery. And for every birthday we must play “(They say it’s your) Birthday” (Beatles).                        

You must understand what I am saying. After all, who of us cannot say that at one time or another a song or snippet of a tune gets stuck in your mind? Over and over the melody rolls around inside your head. Yes, Willie sometimes “Always on my Mind” can be an experience. Music can move you to tears, send you dancing, relax your senses and soothe your worries. It lulls babies to sleep, reminds the elderly of younger days, inspires one to work out and searches for or has found the most sung about topic: Love.

Music resonates across all language and ages. It must be an important facet of life as the mediums used during my lifetime have spanned from records (they took up so much room) → 8 track tapes (what are these?) → cassette tapes (Walkmans/all those tapes!) → CDs (now coasters) → downloads/streaming (cloud anyone?). But this is just proof that music will always have an effect on us.

So go ahead. Turn up the tunes! Let your fingers snap, hands clap and feet tap! Carpe this Diem!

 SPRING SONG

As I write this in early March, it is a balmy 32 degrees Fahrenheit, the wind is spitefully brisk and biting and the need to go outside requires bundling up. Yet, although cold, the air is clear and crisp, the sun bright and the sky blue-blue. Slowly, the period of extended light has been increasing microscopically every day since winter solstice (as Eddie likes to remind me starting December 21) and now it is noticeably brighter at 6:30 PM!

I know, I know. This is nothing new and it happens every year, but the slow, small, subtle signs of impending Spring is a joy to me. Spring is almost here! Even before it has arrived, I can imagine the sweet smell of buds bursting open on the magnolia tree in the brilliance of more light; I can hear the joyous cadence of chickadees and robins calling one another to explore the new warmth; I can feel the vibrations of anticipation that adds bounce in our steps; I can see new beauty popping out all around waking up from the long, frozen, crusty winter. Blades of green grass shooting up! Iris’ peeping out of the dirt! Leaves slowly unfurling on the trees! The scent of splashing raindrops washing all things new! Spring is the season of renewal; new life; new beginnings. Who does not love Spring? Spring begs you to throw open your windows and draw up the blinds so the wonderful revival of weather can come indoors. The aromas, sensations, sights and sounds of Spring! If I had created the calendar, March would be the first month; the month that begins the year.

This reoccurring, exciting, anticipated phenomenon, Spring, comes every year regardless of what is happening in the world. Just when you think you have had more than your share of cold, bleak winter, Spring comes around the corner and embraces us with refreshing, reinvigorating revitalization. Sometimes it is earlier, sometimes later or sometimes Spring teases us with a day here and another there, but reassuringly, it always comes. It is this sense of expectancy that keeps us going during drowsy, frosty, chilly days; the ice will melt (!!) and the earth will thaw. Just as the word itself indicates, Spring will spring!

The good book says there is a season for everything, a time for every purpose under heaven. Spring is the season for healing, laughing, planting and building up each other. Dance a little, search a little, mend, embrace and love one another.

So, for the next few weeks I’m going to consciously pay attention to: warm rays of the sunshine on my face; the sound of crashing ocean waves throwing salty mist; gentle, shifting breezes with the fragrant smell of new buds sprouting; rustling leaves filling out the trees; chirping birds building nests for their young.

Breathe deep, my friends. Do not doubt the remarkable continuance of the seasons. Spring is near. Carpe Diem!

~ “Spring adds new Life and new Beauty to all that is” – Jessica Harrelson

The Power of Why

 

A few months back I had the wonderful opportunity of spending a whole week with one of my grandchildren. It struck me during this time, that childhood provides a quality of specialness that nearly vanishes for the rest of life once one is considered “grownup”. As parents, we are occupied with the “busy-ness” of life and often miss the small moments that grandparents are granted: to see their offspring in a different perspective; to watch their grandchildren grow. Since becoming a grandmother two years ago my granddaughter has grown from a tiny infant to an active and engaged little person.

Coupled with all the endearing things small children can say, the question “Why?” becomes a recurring reminder that young children are constantly trying to figure out their surroundings. It is also a reminder that as older, smarter adults, we don’t always have an easy answer that will suit their curiosity. In fact, after a question is posed nearly 100 times on the same topic, in a 20 minute span, you want to throw Why out of the dictionary. (I mean how do you explain why, to a two and a half year old, the water has to do down the drain after bath time, where it goes and why the bar of soap doesn't also disappear!) But isn’t it true that without “Why” there is no purpose, no meaning for all the rest of life. The Whos Whats Whens Wheres are only defined by the Whys. Why puts things in context, it helps us understand the reasons for our behaviors.

Of course, a young child isn’t processing all this as they maneuver through life’s journey, but isn’t it amazing that they have figured out at such a young age the need to define their little world; they have figured out the power of why (aside from the fact that if they ask “Why?” enough times, Grammie’s probably going to go comatose and need a nap). As growing children, they absorb everything like a sponge and are clever enough to assimilate what is presented to them. (Disclaimer: one certainly must watch what they say in front of these pint-sized repeating machines – you might have some explaining to your own set of Whys!).

We can learn from these inquisitive youngsters. Equipped with the answers to Why, we can achieve the Hows.  I think us “grownups” have to remember that we need to question more; hold on to inquisitiveness; look for new aspirations in life; don’t just rush through life, really focus on the meanings. Spending time with a young child sloooooows down your life; everything is looked at closer, longer and with a furrowed brow.

The clock is ticking. Time is precious. The childhood of my own children passed like a blink, I’m sure with each generation it gets quicker. Go ahead. Renew your eagerness for knowledge. You can never search too much. You are at an age where no one is going to question your curious intellect. Pry a little. Meddle a bit. Explore, analysis and question. Never stop questioning. Why – there it is again- would you ever do that?

Carpe Diem!

 LONG DAYS SHORT YEARS

The first time I heard the phrase “The days are long but the years are short” was from a 95 year old man. My initial reaction was, “How can someone who has lived this long think his time has been short?” This had quite the impact on me as, I thought, obviously, he has experienced this; he knows what he’s talking about. As we look over our own lives we can see how true this is: a mother who is trying to soothe a child that is teething, a tedious work day that just doesn’t go right, anxiety over a future surgery – these are long days. In fact, there are a multitude of events in Life that can suspend you in time for a day that makes them seem like forever; but when you look back each New Year, regardless of your age, isn’t it true you find yourself exclaiming “Can it be another year has passed?!”

Now that I’m 60 and have been married 42 years, I feel I’ve reached a milestone that loudly states Life is a hill and I’ve passed the summit; 95 doesn’t seem so far away in years. There’s so much to accomplish with (maybe) only 35 years left, and yet…the days often hold us back; encumbered with the distractions and busy-ness of “getting” through the day.

If only we could realize Now is Now and Now and Now. What I mean is, if we don’t see Now as Now, we will lose out on all the Nows of today; because it will be Now later too. Not taking advantage of Now now means it becomes then. In time, now is this continual gray area of existence that is sandwiched between what was and what is to come. Perhaps the trick to making the longer days more meaningful is seeing the gratitude of “what happened earlier” and the anticipation of “what is to come” as it turns into Now. Then we truly realize that the best Now is now.

Here we have it: 365 days that have passed where you realize you are still healthy and your family still loves you; and we have 365 (if all’s well) more sunrises full of possibilities to experience Now. Life can’t be tidied up into a neat little list of outcomes. No, Life is about living. Now. Growing, Learning, Discovering, Engaging.  Think about your last New Year. Surely you had many interesting possibilities; many you had no idea you’d meet before the year began. Of course, no one knows the future, but you can keep your curiosity about Life open. You never know what’s around the corner.

Another saying from another dear 95 year old man I knew often said, “Time and tide wait for no man”. So find things that motivate you. Question everything (Yay! You’ve finally reached the age you can and get away with it!). Pursue experiences that bring out a more alive and interesting version of you. Don’t squander away the opportunity of Now. Don’t set the bar too high; remember the adage “One day at a time”. Stop waiting for your Life to begin and start making the most of the moments you are in. Now!

Carpe Diem 2021!