The Power of Why

 

A few months back I had the wonderful opportunity of spending a whole week with one of my grandchildren. It struck me during this time, that childhood provides a quality of specialness that nearly vanishes for the rest of life once one is considered “grownup”. As parents, we are occupied with the “busy-ness” of life and often miss the small moments that grandparents are granted: to see their offspring in a different perspective; to watch their grandchildren grow. Since becoming a grandmother two years ago my granddaughter has grown from a tiny infant to an active and engaged little person.

Coupled with all the endearing things small children can say, the question “Why?” becomes a recurring reminder that young children are constantly trying to figure out their surroundings. It is also a reminder that as older, smarter adults, we don’t always have an easy answer that will suit their curiosity. In fact, after a question is posed nearly 100 times on the same topic, in a 20 minute span, you want to throw Why out of the dictionary. (I mean how do you explain why, to a two and a half year old, the water has to do down the drain after bath time, where it goes and why the bar of soap doesn't also disappear!) But isn’t it true that without “Why” there is no purpose, no meaning for all the rest of life. The Whos Whats Whens Wheres are only defined by the Whys. Why puts things in context, it helps us understand the reasons for our behaviors.

Of course, a young child isn’t processing all this as they maneuver through life’s journey, but isn’t it amazing that they have figured out at such a young age the need to define their little world; they have figured out the power of why (aside from the fact that if they ask “Why?” enough times, Grammie’s probably going to go comatose and need a nap). As growing children, they absorb everything like a sponge and are clever enough to assimilate what is presented to them. (Disclaimer: one certainly must watch what they say in front of these pint-sized repeating machines – you might have some explaining to your own set of Whys!).

We can learn from these inquisitive youngsters. Equipped with the answers to Why, we can achieve the Hows.  I think us “grownups” have to remember that we need to question more; hold on to inquisitiveness; look for new aspirations in life; don’t just rush through life, really focus on the meanings. Spending time with a young child sloooooows down your life; everything is looked at closer, longer and with a furrowed brow.

The clock is ticking. Time is precious. The childhood of my own children passed like a blink, I’m sure with each generation it gets quicker. Go ahead. Renew your eagerness for knowledge. You can never search too much. You are at an age where no one is going to question your curious intellect. Pry a little. Meddle a bit. Explore, analysis and question. Never stop questioning. Why – there it is again- would you ever do that?

Carpe Diem!

 LONG DAYS SHORT YEARS

The first time I heard the phrase “The days are long but the years are short” was from a 95 year old man. My initial reaction was, “How can someone who has lived this long think his time has been short?” This had quite the impact on me as, I thought, obviously, he has experienced this; he knows what he’s talking about. As we look over our own lives we can see how true this is: a mother who is trying to soothe a child that is teething, a tedious work day that just doesn’t go right, anxiety over a future surgery – these are long days. In fact, there are a multitude of events in Life that can suspend you in time for a day that makes them seem like forever; but when you look back each New Year, regardless of your age, isn’t it true you find yourself exclaiming “Can it be another year has passed?!”

Now that I’m 60 and have been married 42 years, I feel I’ve reached a milestone that loudly states Life is a hill and I’ve passed the summit; 95 doesn’t seem so far away in years. There’s so much to accomplish with (maybe) only 35 years left, and yet…the days often hold us back; encumbered with the distractions and busy-ness of “getting” through the day.

If only we could realize Now is Now and Now and Now. What I mean is, if we don’t see Now as Now, we will lose out on all the Nows of today; because it will be Now later too. Not taking advantage of Now now means it becomes then. In time, now is this continual gray area of existence that is sandwiched between what was and what is to come. Perhaps the trick to making the longer days more meaningful is seeing the gratitude of “what happened earlier” and the anticipation of “what is to come” as it turns into Now. Then we truly realize that the best Now is now.

Here we have it: 365 days that have passed where you realize you are still healthy and your family still loves you; and we have 365 (if all’s well) more sunrises full of possibilities to experience Now. Life can’t be tidied up into a neat little list of outcomes. No, Life is about living. Now. Growing, Learning, Discovering, Engaging.  Think about your last New Year. Surely you had many interesting possibilities; many you had no idea you’d meet before the year began. Of course, no one knows the future, but you can keep your curiosity about Life open. You never know what’s around the corner.

Another saying from another dear 95 year old man I knew often said, “Time and tide wait for no man”. So find things that motivate you. Question everything (Yay! You’ve finally reached the age you can and get away with it!). Pursue experiences that bring out a more alive and interesting version of you. Don’t squander away the opportunity of Now. Don’t set the bar too high; remember the adage “One day at a time”. Stop waiting for your Life to begin and start making the most of the moments you are in. Now!

Carpe Diem 2021!

 COVID Year

The last days of Summer and Fall are bittersweet for me each year. Not only because Summer is my personal favorite season, but because with the end of the warmer, pleasant weather, we begin to hibernate and hunker down in our homes; of course, for most of us this 2020 Spring/Summer/Fall, that’s been the norm. I’ve always considered myself lucky to live in the northeast where our lives are defined by the seasons, but for most of this year, there was no distinction between the seasons; they seemed to blur into one big COVID 19 season. Summer, usually filled with travel excursions and bright, sunny fun-filled beach days and Fall, with its apple pumpkin picking has been different in every way; we’ve had to make the best of being isolated.

Humans are social creatures by design, however, this year many hours have been spent alone at home, often attached to our laptops/ipads/phones. This would seem like a silent way to spend our days, but the endless bombardment of news and gossip that often had nothing positive to give made many manic information addicts.

All this has made me a bit melancholy about the last 9 months; can we have a do over? Can’t we relive 2020? Farmer’s markets, boardwalk strolls, ice cream trips, outdoor concerts…they just don’t seem the same with a mask on. In our family, we celebrated, from the “safety” of our homes the birth of a granddaughter, seven birthdays –one 60th milestone, one 2 years-, a 42^nd wedding anniversary and a Retirement after 33 years. It all seems like such a loss that we weren’t able to celebrate these milestones with the pizazz they deserve.

Yet, the one thing that I have learned through all this is a realization that most of life is simple and often we make it busy and complicated. What may look like repetition: a bunch of dull, uninspiring, lackluster things we must do over and over and over again is actually the necessary movements of Life. What may seem mundane and boring should actually be viewed at as moments of Gratitude.

Let me explain. If you are bored and nothing “exciting” is going on in your Life, that means, you still woke up to another day of possibilities. That means your loved ones still love and appreciate you. That means you are healthy enough to put your two feet forward. So when we lay our head on our pillow at night, we should reflect on the amazing things we have in the midst of ordinary.

So chin up! It’s time to re-focus and look forward with a sense of anticipation. Somewhere in the near future we will have a special sense of renewal and inspiration. Like in the wake of a tragedy, it will be time to re-group and reflect. If we all take a deep deep breathe, perhaps we can spend some time cherishing the times we can be together; because, as we have experienced in this year, Life as we know it, can change in an instant.

Although there is a place for quiet breaks in Life -they point to a learning that requires patience and time (and yes! We’ve done our time!)- they too must end so we get back to practical existence. These months were not ordinary Life but we can once again look forward to living Life fully.

~ Carpe Diem!

Mirror Mirror...

 

Mirror, mirror on the the wall…When is the last time you looked in the mirror? This morning while getting ready for the day? A glimpse when passing through to another room? While quickly brushing your teeth? And what did you see? Of course, I’m not just asking about a precursory glance at your vanity (fine lines, under eye circles, dark spots); because often we detect only our flaws in the looking glass. Instead, I’m asking you to interpret your inner self; the real person, the real image. What did you see? Did you recognize the likeness of yourself?

We all know that inside each of us lives a small voice that tells you who you really are. You can fool everyone around you, you can dress, look and talk the part, but you can never fool that nagging knocking inside your heart that exposes you. Can you look that mirror image straight in the eyes? Go ahead. Gaze at your visage. Lean in. Closer. Contemplate yourself for a moment.  Is this the person others see? Were you faced with a trustworthy, honest, hard-working person? Or a cheating, lying fraud? It’s best to be honest with the (wo)man in the mirror so you can really reflect on the reflection. Do you pass the mirror test? Are there things you want to change? After all, the portrait looking back at you is a representation of your character.

Sometimes, to get the real perspective on an image, we need to change the way we look at things. You know that the mirror on the side of your car reading “Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear” is a safety warning that things are not always as they seem: perceptions. That is why I ask: Are you showing the world an imaginary misrepresentation or a genuine, authentic, bona fide depiction? Is your mirror distorting and magnifying or a clear concise witness of who you are?

Next time you come face to face with the mirror, don’t look for visual perfection, but learn to love the vision you are gazing at and be true to yourself and others. This will help you rise to all kinds of challenges; without altering your true self.

And of course…..Carpe Diem!

Pink Power

Think Pink!

Prickly pink roses, sweet sour grapefruit, juicy watermelon (with seeds please), plump raspberries just off the vine, sugary whipped cupcake icing and strawberry chia smoothies. These are just a few of the favorite things that come to mind when I think pink. Pink is undeniable my favorite color; it has a strong emotional influence on me; a joyful vibe. Those who know me know that I will pick a pale pink shade over every other color choice for most anything: Pink watch, pink shoes, pink umbrella, pink clutches, sweaters, skirts and blouses. If I could have a pink car, I might consider it. But truth be told, I have to have some consideration for those who choose to live with me and bear this obsession. Obviously, a pink house, or all rooms painted pink may just be taking it too far. There are times when I must sacrifice for the good of all and get the inspiration I need from nature: elegant peonies, clematis, tulip and hibiscus flowers; stately cherry blossom and magnolia trees.

It is said that pink is the color of universal love, representing friendship, affection, harmony and inner peace. I couldn’t agree more. If red is the color of passionate love, then pink in all its delicateness must be its sweet side; a combination of red’s aggressive boldness softened by white’s pearly hue. In fact, in psychology, pink is the sign of Hope suggesting you can even empower yourself with pink!

There are some in my family that have this same passion for the color green. I’ll be the first to omit that without the contrast of other colors pink cannot stand out and shine in all its beauty. But there’s no denying that pink is the superior color; the Queen of all things magnificent; splendid, glorious and grand(And because pink would never be condescending, it does this in the most gentlest of ways).

Since studies have confirmed that exposure to large amounts of pink can have a calming effect, I wonder why anyone would even consider refuting the power of pink. Who could ever turn away from the texture of cotton candy dissolving in your mouth, seeing the blush cheeks of an adorable baby, the taste and pop(!) of fun-chewing bubble gum, hearing the oinks of mud happy pigs or the nasal honking of exotic flamingos? When I smell, I even smell pink all around me: like a fruity jolly rancher or tall glass of pink lemonade.

Of course, the shade of pink can make a difference; for some, pink is too feminine (Essie Ballet Slippers), too pale (Benjamin Moore Pink Bliss) or too bold (Valspar Very Berry) . But this just proves that pink is “sugar and spice and everything nice” in between. Pink is Versatile! Creative! Euphoric! Vivacious! Pink is Awe-inspiring!

Wouldn’t you agree that pink is a bubbly, animated, cheerful color? For most of us, most days, that’s exactly what we need: Happiness! Peace! Joy! Just sit back and imagine all things pink and I think you may realize pink is your favorite color too…

Now, how do I convince Eddie to get that pink mini coupe?

Carpe Diem!

Garden Gladness

GARDEN GLADNESS

It’s that time of year again when all things thought of are of a garden variety. It’s as if all of a sudden, unexpectedly, Spring and Summer arrive together in full radiance. Our calendars tell us what time of year it is, but the abrupt, gradual and deliberate pokings of plants as they emerge from their sleep is a new phenomenon year after year. And even though the anticipation of “garden time” is a dream during winter, the without warning – all at once euphoria of working the soil becomes intoxicating.

I first picked up a garden hoe, as is often the case, by accident. When we bought our first home, Eddie and I were fortunate enough to have a small plot of dirt and we squeezed in as many plants as the earth could take. We had grand ideas and many a night you could find Eddie in his Dutch wooden shoes, weeding and watering; me, tying, pinching and picking. We got a fair share of beans and tomatoes which we ate, shared and canned; the next season, I may have gone a bit crazy when the annual Burpee seed catalog came out. But over time, I got to recognize the plants, flowers and shrubs of many varieties. And being this was pre-YouTube era, I got my instruction from flower and garden horticulture books (which I cannot bring myself to throw away even though I seldom look in them anymore…but that subject is for another day). And now? I have lots of pots…small ones, large ones, odd shaped ones, plastic, ceramic, clay and wood pots; window boxes, iron hangers and even cactus living in wooden shoes. I fill the pots with geraniums, marigolds, begonias, clematis, hibiscus, succulents and herbs of all kinds. This is why I love garden weather. Because the deck, the yard, the garden…they all become an outdoor oasis escape full of intense color (Pink! Red! Orange!) and beauty.

One caveat of gardening is that things don’t always thrive or turn out the way you want them to. Often it is an experiment of sorts. Sometimes it means trying and failing (or learning as I prefer to think), making mistakes and working through it. This is not a lack of success, vain attempts or setbacks and defeat! No! This is the glory of gardening! Processes that eventually prove effective. A plant doesn’t work here? Strengthen it by moving it there. That flower doesn’t bloom in a corner? Move it to a sunnier, flourishing spot. Anyone can do it and everyone can have their own ideas as to how it should be done. You are the artist and the garden is your canvas. Know your greenery and the garden universe is yours!

When I see the butterflies, American Goldfinches, and hummingbirds quietly resting on the porches and hear the Northern Cardinals call out one to another, I inhale deeply the pleasant flower scents; some tall, some small, some open, some tightly closed. A little garden corner world can be anyone’s Happy Place. And as for me?

I’m still enjoying some Garden Carpe Diem.

Life Lessons

LIFE LESSONS

Now that I’m going to turn 60 (!!gasp!! how did I get here? It’s just a number, right?) I thought I’d share a few safeguards that have steered my course. And yet, there are still plenty of things I want to do. I’ve just got to get my skates on now and do them…

 

1)      We only dance on this earth a short time; make it matter to the last note.

2)      The open doors are not behind you, they are in front of you. Choose to open them and choose carefully.

3)      Say  ”I’m sorry” anytime you think you’ve done wrong; don’t wait for it to be pointed out to you.

4)      Small things, done consistently, add up to big things in the long run.

5)      No shock lasts longer than 48 hours ~ there’s too much appetite for the next shock.

6)      Love is not a word of four letters following one another, it’s a verb; it is unconditional, it requires attention and needs consistent practice.

7)      Oh! What a difference a day a day makes; only 24 little hours can change your life.

8)      Remember the Sabbath Day. God gives us 6 days to work and play and only one day for Himself. If you honor Him, He will honor you.

9)      Be Flexible. Change is OK. Life=Change. Change=Knowledge. Knowledge=Life.

10)   Stop sizing yourself up against the Perfect Person. There isn’t one.

11)   “Leave the gun; take the cannoli” ~The Godfather

12)   Always kiss your spouse Good Night; what better way to end your day?

13)   “Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you.” ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

14)   Be Patient in Adversity and Thankful in Prosperity ~Heidelberg Catechism Lord’s Day 10.

15)   Never underestimate the power of a long, strong hug.

16)   Life is too short to be judgmental ~ “There but for the grace of God go I” ~John Bradford

17)   You are not always right. Yup. You read that right. In fact, let me repeat it: You’re. Not. Always. Right. The sooner you grasp that concept the better you’ll be. Other perspectives are refreshing.

18)   Things happen. Learn to let the things you cannot control go.

19)   Listen. Really Listen. Stop. Put your phone down. Open your ears. Use eye contact. “God gave us two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we talk” ~ Epictetus

20)   Give Respect. Get Respect. You don’t beat respect into people, you earn it.

21)   Take a moment each day to dwell on the bounty and gracious gifts you’ve been given.

22)   Always greet your family with a kiss and never let them leave without saying “I Love You”; it may be the last time you see each other.

23)   Pick your fights. Not everything is worth fighting over. Which leads me to…

24)   Silently, exercise forgiveness of those who hurt you; for your own liberating health and well-being.

25)   If you want to learn humility, fear, patience, concern, sacrifice, worry, happiness, joy, laughter and fullness of heart all rolled in one, have a child.

26)   “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.” ~George Carlin

27)   Be courteous. Leave hostile in the gutter where it belongs….so it doesn’t become us.

28)   Every day is a new day (Tabula Rasa). Turn the page: yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn’t come. Use it wisely. New beginnings. New opportunities.

29)   Think Twice before you act (speak) in anger.

30)   If you have your Health and the Love of your Family, you are rich beyond measure; everything else in Life is a bonus.

31)   Don’t cut what you can untie.

32)   Don’t settle for the hamburger when you’ve been having filet mignon all your life.

33)   Pray without Ceasing. Life can literally bring you to your knees and often than not, that’s where we belong.

34)   Hold the door for a stranger; we all have a story.

35)   Pick up after yourself. One thrown gum wrapper can add up to a whole community of waste blowing in the wind.

36)   “To thine own self be true” ~Hamlet/Shakespeare; each of us is unique.

37)   Silence often speaks louder than words.

38)   Take your pillow with you wherever you go, it can be the difference between a good night’s sleep and a long, yawning day.

39)   Keep moving; it will keep you from a muddled state of mind.

40)   Don’t be afraid to say “No”. Never, ever compromise your beliefs or standards ~Watch the movie ”Hacksaw Ridge” for inspiration.

41)   Keep Smiling; it is a contagious gift you can give away for free; it’s catchy synergy.

42)   If you want rainbows, you’ll have to endure the torrential downpour of rain.

43)   Children are brutally honest, sometimes downright ruthless. The lesson? Don’t sugarcoat Life. Learn tactful kindness.

44)   Keep it Simple, Silly (KISS). Life is too complicated; see the humor in the mundane.

45)   Inspire a Mind; sometimes creativity trumps the rules.

46)   When all else fails take a long, hot soak in a tub full of bubbles and lock the door.

47)   Life is a Journey not a Destination; sometimes a detour on the wrong path reminds us to better ourselves and gives occasion to find the right path.

48)   Develop a Gratitude Attitude

49)   Character is who you are when no one is watching; you can’t hide from the reflecting mirror.

50)   The days are long but the years are short; if you don’t think this is true, ask anyone over 60.

51)   There are no failures that can’t be turned into a lesson, a strengthening of character.

52)   Sometimes doing Nothing is More; getting lost in moments can give a small measure of Peace.

53)   Making your bed Every. Single. Day. It is a Life Changer; this legendary skill creates a positive peace of mind.

54)   Basking in the free aromatherapy of a garden is a stress cure and inspires healthy habits.

55)   Savor dinner time: create a dish, uncork the wine, grab a linen napkin, play some tunes in the background and enjoy the best part of the day.

56)   Keep On Traveling!

57)   “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” ~Dr. Seuss

 

58)   A good, hearty laugh that causes your belly to hurt is the best form of exercise.

59)   I’ll Aways want to be Eddie’s Girl.

60)   Seize opportunity EVERY DAY. Carpe every Diem!

Seize the time you have together with your loved ones.

 “Time and Tide wait for no man.” ~Geoffrey Chaucer