At times we deceive ourselves into believing that the
Ideal Life is made up of Perfect Parents and Perfect Children.
Here are 10 Things I've Learned from Parenting:
10) Give Respect. Earn Respect. You can't beat respect into anyone. You must earn it. That holds true for the youngest child to the oldest adult. It means recognizing someones worth and treating them with thoughtful consideration and proper decorum.
And in return?
You earn respect.
9)
Children are Brutally Honest. Because young children haven't learned the art of diplomacy, they can be downright ruthless. As they get older, their rebellious outbursts spare no one. It's true that their perspectives may be a bit skewed, but children are pretty observant from their view of the world and aren't afraid to say so. At times, they make us angry because they actually see things better than we do and touch a nerve in doing so. We can learn a lesson from this. Life doesn't require us to sugar coat it.
We don't need to hurt others in an attempt to be straightforward and frank but, instead, speak with
tactful kindness in mind.
8) Be Flexible. Change is OK. At times we an fall into the rut of being methodical about life. But Life=Change. Change=Knowledge. Knowledge=Life. Life is full of changes and if we don't learn how to deal with change, we will never grow emotionally or intellectually.
At times, you need to "just go with it". Going out of your comfort zone often feels uncomfortable, but that's how we learn.
Be spontaneous now and then.
Go ahead. Eat ice cream for supper.
7) Pick Your Fights. Let's face it, often, just getting through the day can be a struggle: Work, School, Assignments, Sports. Schedules galore. So who wouldn't get a bit on edge when things don't go just as we planned. Tempers flare and the battles begin.
Just remember. Kids are really good at sensing when we are vulerable and will take full advantage of it. Don't fall into that sneaky trap. Not everything is worth fighting about.
Which shoes match with which outfit? Not worth it.
Junior spitting on the girl down the street? Worth the fight.
The tricky part is learning which is which.
Which leads me into...
6)
Don't be afraid to say "No". Never never compromise your beliefs or standards. We want to be friends with their children, but foremost we must remember we are their parents and mentors. Yes, it means you're going to come off being the wicked witch of the west at times; but children gain an understanding of us when we explain why we must say no when it is for their instruction or safety. Other times, you may need to say no because the circumstances are just not feasible. There is only one of you and you can only spread yourself so far.
Don't feel guilty if you can't give in to every whim.
We don't always get what we want in life.
5) When All Else Fails, Take a Long Soak in the Tub. Or a long walk. Or a chance to cultivate your garden. Taking some time away from something that distresses you helps get rid of the cobwebs in your head and allows you to regroup. I've solved many a problem during a solitary walk. We all need some time to ourselves.
The dirty refrigerator and laundry will still be there tomorrow.
Find something you get passionate about and do it.
In taking care of yourself, you are in essence taking care of those you love.
4) You're Not Always Right. Yup. You read that right. In fact, let me repeat it. You're Not. Always. Right. The sooner you grasp that concept the better parent you'll be. There's no written test or Learner's Permit when you become a Parent. You don't get a degree in Parentology. There aren't any required refresher courses. Nope. You just jump into it head or feet first and do the best you can.
I could put a subtitle here that says, "Say I'm Sorry". Apologizing isn't a sign of weakness, just an affirmation that we know we are fallible and, wanting to make a situation right, need to acknowledge our errors. So, stop sizing yourself up against the Perfect Parent.
There isn't one.
3)
Listen. Really Listen. That means putting down whatever you are doing at the moment. Don't surf the Internet, don't read your text messages, don't flip through that magazine. Stop. Open your ears.
Use eye contact to show you are listening. Everyone, big or small, is entitled to their point of view and you can't understand someone if you don't give them your full attention.
It is said that God gave us two ears and one mouth so we could listen twice as much as we talk.
2) Exercise Forgiveness. Often. This can be a tough one. The sooner forgiveness is carried out, the easier it is to move forward from a difficult situation. Otherwise, harder to exonerate grudges develop. Sure, we feel hurt or resent how we were treated, but anger only competes with your well being and happiness.
Anger=Negative Energy. In the heat of the moment, take a deep breath (or two). Think. "Will this really impact me next week?"
If not, let it go.
Sometimes the person we need to forgive most is ourselves.
Look inside and see who is on your forgiveness list and
practice forgiveness.
Every day.
1) Pray Without Ceasing. Being a parent can bring you to your knees. Literally. Earnest requests, humble pleas, cries of thankfulness. They are all a part of our need to put things in God's hands.
We need to accept there are some things we cannot control.
I wish I had known much of this when I started raising my own children, but as I went through life, I learned. I tried to be a good teacher for them and, in the process, they taught me.
Although this was written with children in mind, it can apply to anyone: spouse, siblings, parents, friends. Try to let go of any expectations you may have for yourself and your loved ones.
Become mindful of your surroundings and
seize the time you have together.
Time waits for no one.
