Summer Serendipity

SUMMER SERENDIPITY

Writing this on a warm(ish) day, I’ve come to the conclusion that, for me, Summer and Serendipity are synonymous. Serendipity is a mysterious, charming word that means making desirable discoveries by accident; good fortune; luck. Wouldn’t you agree there’s a bit of magic that happens between the months of wintry cold temperatures and days of climbing under a blanket waiting for the apple blossoms to arrive? It’s as if suddenly, the sun shines through, hibernal malaise can flung away and warmer weather and longer days can be greeted with a hug and a smile. Throw open the windows! Let in the soft billowy breezes! There’s a certain anticipatory joy when, surprise (!), the floor is warmer under bare feet!

I could easily live in endless, sun-baked, sensational Summer somewhere, but then, without the gripping, raw freeze of winter, I may not experience this same Serendipity. After all, how does one understand happy without sad, pleasure without pain, warmth without cold? Magic. All of a sudden, after pulling a cardigan just a bit tighter layered over endless amounts of clothing for months, the mornings get lighter sooner, the birds chirp louder again, sunlight pours brightly onto the kitchen counter, radishes/snap peas/leeks can be planted (oh my!), the ground turned. And if you listen very carefully, you’ll hear the faint, singsong jingles of the overeager ice cream truck echoing down the street luring old and young 

alike to its sweet treats.

And then there’s the promise of daffodils, lilacs, hydrangeas, roses; the yearning for farm-picked strawberries, juicy Jersey tomatoes, sweet corn on the cob and mouthwatering watermelon. Or the moment the grill cover is tossed from its protective state, exposing the barbecue waiting for the perfect burger or sizzling steak. Tell me this isn’t Serendipity. There are so many moments to love in Summer; so many 

warm nights to feel alive.

One beauty of Summer is you don’t have to leave your back yard to feel its magic. You can kick off your shoes, feel the grass between your toes, sip a thirst quenching drink and bask in a sultry, lazy picnic dinner on the patio. Another is the beach: the radiant sunlight, endless and timeless crashing waves, lunch under an umbrella (be careful not to get a sandy sandwich) swimming in the salty sea. Do you like to ride a bike? Doze in a hammock? Catch lightening bugs with your grandchildren? Listen for the sound of the cicadas and singing peeper frogs? The magic of Summer: little gifts 

we receive unexpectedly.

Perhaps it’s the sunny weather that encourages a brighter, more optimistic outlook during the Summer months. Perhaps it’s because we get out more in the fresh air, spending time with nature and family. Perhaps we feel freer to travel home and abroad, discovering things outside our living spaces that allow for adventure. Yes! I’ve come to the conclusion that I love everything about the Serendipity of Summer!

Welcome back Summer! I’ve missed you!

Carpe Diem!

Bed Makers

BED MAKERS

Can making your bed every day be a Life Changer? Is it possible that there might be more to the legendary skill of pulling together the covers and sheets and repetitively going through the motions of piling on pillows every day?

I can remember from my earliest youth always “making” my bed and the ritual has carried through well into this old(er) age of mine. Although I thought I instilled this habit into my own children, I must come clean and admit that (Gasp! Horrors!) when I visit their homes I see unmade beds in the middle of the day! Therefore, let me make an argument in defense of the art of assembling our beds each and every day so all will understand why I think mastery of this good habit is vital.

To begin, there is the obvious reason for completing this task. We buy lovely 600 thread sheets, beautiful coverlets and assortments of throw pillows. Doesn’t it make sense to gather them together into a clean, beautifully put-together area that affects a calm oasis away from everything else? Dishes in the sink? Toys on the floor? Paperwork piles in the office? All becomes inconsequential because no matter what happens the rest of the day, you know there is at least one tranquil place you can go to ~ a retreat of sorts ~ one you’ve created; stress reduction all around. Thus, a made bed sends the cheerful message you care about yourself and those you live with.

Think about it. You spend roughly 1/3 of your life in your bedroom. The appearance of a well-made bed encourages you to keep the rest of the room tidy, which in turn has a surprising serenity to it. Surely you understand that it’s hard to be relaxed and secure if everything around you is in disarray and rumpled; keeping it organized can have a positive effect on your mood, on your mind, on your health and happiness.

 Now don’t get me wrong, a properly made bed doesn’t have to be completed with military precision ~ “corners squared, covers tight, pillows centered under the headboard” per Admiral William McRavan  ~ in his commencement speech to the University of Texas ~ (although you have my absolute admiration if it is!) but a neat cursory covering of the bed’s undergarments will do. When I put together my bed for the day, I believe I am starting the day off with a sense of accomplishment. It may seem like a mundane chore; it may seem small; but this simple task can set the tone for the rest of the day, encouraging you to achieve other more detailed decisions. It sets in motion a sort of domino effect, a chain reaction that kick starts, bolsters and increases your productivity. Impressive results can be effectuated by simply taking a minute or two to pull up the sheets and comforter and fluff a few pillows. See how the idea that the little things in life matter?

Now I know that some of you are thinking I’m a tad bed-obsessed. Why, you ask, should I bother to take the tedious effort to dress and decorate my bed only to mess it up again at the end of the day? Fair enough. You can find the answer in the book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg. According to the author, daily bed making becomes a habit that gives you a sense of taking charge and further claims that habits cumulatively lead to "a greater sense of well-being"; which, if you were to determine to make your bed every morning, you would see how developing one good habit can often lead to others.

Now here comes the best part. There’s a simple pleasure when entering a welcoming sleep environment in pulling back the covers each night. At the end of a hectic day, there is a peaceful ahhh(!)mazing feeling that cannot be achieved if one has to first sort out the sheets and blankets and find those tossed pillows that have made it under the bed (most likely covered in dust bunnies) before getting into bed for a well-deserved rest. It only takes a few moments to create this positive state of mind. I know this may seem a bit oversimplified, but that is the point: small steps, large results. Can making the bed be a Life Changer? See for yourself and once you’ve tried it, tell me…is there anything better than that “Welcome” feeling you get crawling into a soft, clean, comforting  bed and falling into a deep restoring sleep?

Carpe Diem!

Judging Covers

JUDGING COVERS

I think we have all heard the old adage, “Don’t Judge a Book by it’s Cover”; a metaphorical phrase which means "you shouldn't prejudge the worth or value of something by its outward appearance alone." 

And, I think we’d all have to admit, we do judge the books

 in our lives by their covers.

Let’s start with the simplest example: the library. Now I know that for many, the library ~ that quiet sanctuary of reading ~ is an antiquated venue. But let’s imagine for a moment that you were to visit one. If, when you step into the aisles of reading suggestions on many various subjects and don’t know what topic or author you want to read, what do you do? Look at the printed images or phrases on the cover? Do they catch your attention? Do you associate with the visual? Is it something you want to spend a day or more reading about? Do you go based on reviews by strangers who don’t know you?

And how many of us have done so only to be surprised one way or the other? A beautiful leather cover with a snappy title can ensconce the most boring, obtrusive book. And sometimes, a plain, nondescript publication with a simple title can be most exhilarating. Marketing the exterior, not the content, is a prevailing trend. In fact, interior decorators are often known to buy expensive-covered books to create a warm atmosphere in homes; the prime importance being that they match the room’s décor. I read recently of a wealthy businessman who purchased 13,000 antique books he will never read just to create a library look in his renovated home; those books were only for show.

Focusing on outward appearances may be a pleasing way to decorate a home, but it’s a dangerous way to live. This book cover analogy can be applied to how we interact with other people in our lives: our relatives, our neighbors, even strangers. Although I understand that first impressions can be lasting ones, in order to find the core of anyone, the preconceived notion that the “cover” people wear reflects who they really are, must be removed; outward appearances are often an overlay of what lies within. There is an old proverb that says, “Outward appearances are not a reliable indication of true character." Too often, we react to people instead of responding to them; defining them by their exterior before exploring the content.

Think of each person you interact with on a daily basis. Everyone has an unfolding story to tell if you take the time to hear them. And although the stories of our lives are variations of the many stories already told, each one is personal. Make an effort to learn about the subject at the heart of other people. What makes them tick? What interesting ideas do they have? What do they think on subjects that interest you? Go ahead. Strike up a conversation with someone that goes beneath the surface.

Carpe Diem!

Reforming Resolutions

Reforming Resolutions

Ahhhhh. The Holidays have passed. And for most, not without getting our tinsel tangled and our falala jingles jangled.  And here we are. In a New Year, with a new set of ideas for the future. As you know by now, I am not a fan of resolutions. I view them as vicious, cyclic listings of our perceived shortcomings, where, in fact, trying to improve ourselves in just a few weeks only brings us to the realization that we either a) don’t want to give up what we resolved to do or b) like feeling bad all over again this year for not trying. When resolutions even dare present themselves into my mind, I abstractly throw them to the gutter and stomp on them! Why? Because I cannot remember the last time a New Year’s resolution has really helped!

For example, we all know eating more fruits and vegetables, taking some meditative time for ourselves and staying active are good for us today, and in the long run. Yet, I cannot help thinking that instead of making proposals and propositions with ourselves, we should simply strive to be happy. No guilt. No shame. Just Happy. After all, isn’t that what we are really hoping for each other when we give a Happy New Year’s congratulation? Not a “new year new you” ambition but a Happiness wish for the future. 

In order to do this, perhaps there are a few things we need to “Get Over”:

Get over the fact that you’re not going to lose those last 10 pounds. If you’ve been trying your whole life to look like a model or gym trainer, now’s the time to look in the mirror and accept who you are. Stop choking down salmon and kale if you can’t stand the taste. Unless your health is in jeopardy, it’s time to embrace the fact that as we age, our bodies change. Buy something to wear that looks good on you ~and makes you feel good~, not something that fits the 10-less pound person 

you might never be.

Get over the fact that you’re not methodically organized. If you aren’t color-coordinating and micro-coding every item in your life with Post-it notes and Sharpie pens, you probably aren’t ready to start now. Tackling old photos you’ve tucked in a shoe box is one thing, alphabetizing the spices in your kitchen pantry and spacing hangers in your closet exactly an inch apart is not for everyone. You’ve gotten this far in life and are still surviving. Unruly piles or accruing messes get done better if done in small doses. Find your system and stick with it.

Get over the fact that you won’t ever run a marathon. Yup. 

Most of us will never feel the weight of a gold medal around our neck. If you don’t like to run, don’t. If yoga’s not your thing, don’t sweat and Ommm through it. Instead, walk, swim, golf, dance, play ping pong, shuffleboard, tennis; just do something! Stay active. It’s not only good for your body, 

but also for your mind.

Get over the fact that more is better. There comes a time in life when it’s time to put away the idea that reaching for more equals a successful, happy person. It doesn’t. It’s time to stop forcing ourselves to be something we’re not. It only makes you miserable. Go ahead, pat yourself on the back and be content with the surplus you already have.

Get over the fact that you’ll never cook like Rachael Ray. I admire anyone who is cooking their own meals, especially if they live alone, because it takes creativity. But don’t think buying all the ingredients for a meal you’ll only cook once (and possibly not like) will somehow be a game changer in your culinary world. Eat to live and enjoy it. It’s even OK to order in once in awhile.

I understand the idea of a fresh start and a new calendar, but it’s not the first day of the Year that holds the power of change. Instead, it’s about whether or not you’re excited about what each day brings. Once we accept ourselves and resolve that happiness is to be desired more than uprooting and modifying ourselves, we may just find that everything else falls into place; like a bonus. You might even be surprised to recognize that you’re quite resilient after all. 

Seize the day to be the best you. 

Happiest of New Years to a Happier You!

“The Potential for Greatness Lives within each of us”  ~ Wilma Rudolph

Social Aniety

SOCIAL ANXIETY

Today, like most mornings, after preparing breakfast, lunch, snacks and grabbing my liquid energy, I sat down to relax in my favorite comfy chair for an hour before joining the throngs of workers getting ready for yet another day at “the office.” First there’s Instagram: a family of 5 all smiling at the kale/beet snack mommy made, a friend strolling the streets of Croatia, another biking in sunflower fields. Then on to Facebook which has its own show of sailboat sunsets, swimmers in Caribbean waters and weddings, food, and… just about anything. Even “old school” texting and emailing is adding ways 

to send photos and clips.   

          

No doubt, social media plays a huge role in the lives of most people. What once was gossiping over the garden fence, to dialing up the princess phone, to texting has now elevated to an all out competitive session that can be cropped, edited and filtered so that even the sorriest-looking, mundane donut can be have the appearance of a French croissant being eaten at a street café

 in the middle of Venice, from your own back yard.

It is indeed a media-saturated age that has everyone desperate to be perceived in the eyes of the world as the cutest, wittiest or most energetic; trying to make anyone and everyone they can “green” with envy. But in reality, often, there is a stark contrast between:  what is truth and what is touched up. Let’s face it. Even the most confident among us feel a stab of jealousy (I wish that were me) and anxiety (am I doing something wrong?) at times scrolling through the lives of our “friends”. (A topic for another day…the drive for likes generated by the amount of people one can accrue to their account!) Mind you, all this is happening even though we all know, because we all do it, that posts are carefully and critically edited to create the incredibly perfect scenario. It’s hard to remind yourself that highly selected and filtered photos can be deceiving.  Mental health professionals call it the compare-and-despair factor.

Unfortunately, social media anxiety has risen to epidemic levels. Sure, we’ve all compared ourselves to our peers in the classroom and later on as adults, but not all of us felt the need to “keep up with the Joneses”. Today, sadly enough, the comparison is world-wide all via a touch of the screen; the “neighborhood” got bigger and the stakes larger. People begin to label themselves in a negative, unhealthy way that forces anyone using social media to constantly monitor the way they present themselves.  This is serious since it’s a fact that since social media, self-esteem has dropped in all age groups (Google: negative effect on self esteem and social media; you’ll be surprised).

Think about it. Although the world is constantly surrounded by/with instant interaction, people have never felt more alone (Google: social media and lonliness). Look around you at your next outing. What does everyone seem to be doing? Holding a mini computer to their faces. Times are sad when you see two people dressed up for dinner only to be engaged with their phones instead of each other. And this doesn’t even take into account the effect all this media is having on the next generation.

The truth of the matter is that we all crave attention. But instead of this constant one-up-manship, what people really need to recognize is that it is not an external existence that shows how smart/successful/accomplished – you fill in the blank- you are, but an inner feeling of contentedness. No amount of filter or cropping will cover our flaws; instead, we need to accept ourselves for who we are. How you feel about yourself and how you perceive yourself 

is directly related; heart and mind.

So. Where does one draw the line? What is a healthy balance (since we’ll not fool ourselves into thinking social media is leaving the internet any time soon)? First take a look at how long you stare/spend time looking at everyone else’s “perfect” life and recognize if you are obsessed with striving to look just as good if not better. Then honestly think about how this makes you feel: Happy? Or Depressed and Emotionally depleted. If this is you, it’s time to take a break. Perhaps limit your internet time. Do something else. Take a walk. Read a book. Invite a friend out for lunch (no phones at the table). Visit the library, the beach, a museum. Remember. The noise in your head can be louder than the noise on the street. Giving yourself a digital Sabbath each week –just one day living for 24 hours without checking devices – could be the solution to re-balancing 

(a reboot) ourselves;  Ahhh, a routine that allows space for breathing. 

Go ahead try it. I’ll see you on the towpath…Carpe diem!

Garden Gratification

GARDEN GRATIFICATION

Like many gardeners, I like to start planning (even if it’s just in my mind) my summer vegetable/flower gardens in the coolness of winter. Watching seedlings sprout somehow brings a sense of expectation; a hope that Spring and warmer weather is just around the bend. Yet, after the danger of frost, transplanting those seedlings is when the real work begins: digging, pruning, weeding, watering, and guarding against pests large and small; cultivating a garden is a lot of work.

For example, weeds. We don’t like ‘em. We don’t want ‘em. But they are always there. In fact, sometimes they grow taller, stronger and fiercer than the actual crop we want to reap. Being the controlling type, I’ve learned early on that you simply cannot control a garden; it controls you. If it rains for a week and the sun suddenly shines, you run to tend it. If little insects or chipmunks try to take possession, you lovingly screen it. If there is a drought, you’ll stand for hours with the water hose tangled around your ankles, no problem. A garden is a bit like having children; it forces you to reorganize your life. But, after a crazy, nerve-racking day at the office, nothing soothes the mind more than working the soil and breathing in the solitude. As a result, I’ve come to look at those weeds as survivors and as I pluck them from my garden, I envision the idea they are just trying to find their way into the world of horticulture. After all, with all that attention, who wouldn’t want to be in a small plot of Utopia?

When you garden, you leave behind all technology (Facebook! Email! Instagram!) and learn to converse with the simple pleasure of listening to bird song, feeling air movement and smelling outdoors fragrance. Yes, pandemonium and clatter are replaced with hushed, tranquil quietness. The garden becomes a small bit of area that only the care taker occupies; a selfish sense of space. Why do I say selfish? Because once you have found this, it is a pleasure you don’t readily share with others for fear everyone will want to do it and then it will be all commotion and hullabaloo. Yes, once discovered what contented peace a plot of growing vegetation can bring, even the glimpse of an aircraft disturbing airspace solitude can cause a frown of irritation.

Aside from ascetics and the consumption of produce, there is a deeper, more gratifying reason to wanting a green thumb. According to research, black hands can increase your serotonin levels; contact with soil and a specific soil bacteria, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of serotonin in our brain and we all know the lack of serotonin causes depression. Getting your hands dirty is emotional, physical and mental therapy! Not to mention sunlight (vitamin D) and fresh air (mood booster)!

The only problem is, once committed to a garden one does not easily retreat back to the noise of Life. I often have to be called several times into the house from my garden, begrudgingly, leaving all that isolated seclusion behind. Yet, it’s nice to I know I have a special place I can go to where the sights, the smells and the sounds bring relaxation and reduce stress.

So the next time you stop to uproot that obstinate weed, indulge it a gentle tug, you can’t blame it for wanting a piece of all those benefits.

The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn

 ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finding Peace

Finding Peace with Yourself

I’ve been known to get stuck in my ways and buck at anything that diverts me from methodical routines and well devised plans. So when my ideas are upset, I often resort to figuring out just what went wrong. It is as if my organization, conceptions and preparations are being assaulted. My personal world tilts and skews; I take it very personally. As a result, I have also been known to over think things… on occasion.

I suppose part of ruminating comes from a deep sense of finiteness, which causes us to be overly logical about many things. For example, I am fixated on managing my time. Seldom will you see me just staring out a window (although I’ve been told such behavior can be very meditative); in my mind, there are so many books to read and schemes to figure out. I manage my time from dawn to dusk (and if I had it my druthers, it would also include dusk to dawn…who needs sleep?) with precision and exactness by using lists and post-its. Everything is categorized into mental groups; unrelated, immaterial and besides-the-point details do not qualify. As a result, on a subconscious level, I recognize I am asking myself, “What if I don’t get everything done that I’ve put on The List?” A continuous pressure then builds by the end of the day, causing me to implode. So much to do (!) and so little time to do it in!

Should I consider this a flaw in my genetic makeup or a product of learned behavior?  If I pick the former, I can blame all my ancestors before me, which gets me off the hook…after all then, I can’t help my behavior. If it is to be the later, I may have to learn all over again to CHILL OUT because the danger with this rigor is that I may come off as blunt, direct and obsessive (I prefer to think of it as Focused).

So if you’re like me, you’ll love the tabula rasa theory (a blank slate existing in its original state) that allows for some margin of error, or in this case, list reboot…after all, tomorrow is a new day, one that begins with no mistakes or lists in it and we can start over if we must. Ahhhh….a blank page that has been wiped clean. In fact, starting brand-new is often just the thing we need. Such thinking takes the pressure off and reminds us to remember: spontaneity can be freeing and refreshing. Yes, it’s permissible to change The Plan (of course, only if you have one to begin with); that way, the joy isn’t taken out of every moment. We then realize finishing The List (and who does that ever anyway?) doesn’t necessarily bring instant happiness. Besides, tabula rasa doesn’t mean forever blank…instead, it allows for a new day, new lists. That’s Life.

So after some more ruminating, I’ve come to realize that sometimes Life’s diversions, unsettling and painful for us methodical types, are often ways of redirecting us into other paths we would never voluntarily go on. Seize those opportunities!

“OBSTACLES ARE DETOURS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION”