Finding Peace

Finding Peace with Yourself

I’ve been known to get stuck in my ways and buck at anything that diverts me from methodical routines and well devised plans. So when my ideas are upset, I often resort to figuring out just what went wrong. It is as if my organization, conceptions and preparations are being assaulted. My personal world tilts and skews; I take it very personally. As a result, I have also been known to over think things… on occasion.

I suppose part of ruminating comes from a deep sense of finiteness, which causes us to be overly logical about many things. For example, I am fixated on managing my time. Seldom will you see me just staring out a window (although I’ve been told such behavior can be very meditative); in my mind, there are so many books to read and schemes to figure out. I manage my time from dawn to dusk (and if I had it my druthers, it would also include dusk to dawn…who needs sleep?) with precision and exactness by using lists and post-its. Everything is categorized into mental groups; unrelated, immaterial and besides-the-point details do not qualify. As a result, on a subconscious level, I recognize I am asking myself, “What if I don’t get everything done that I’ve put on The List?” A continuous pressure then builds by the end of the day, causing me to implode. So much to do (!) and so little time to do it in!

Should I consider this a flaw in my genetic makeup or a product of learned behavior?  If I pick the former, I can blame all my ancestors before me, which gets me off the hook…after all then, I can’t help my behavior. If it is to be the later, I may have to learn all over again to CHILL OUT because the danger with this rigor is that I may come off as blunt, direct and obsessive (I prefer to think of it as Focused).

So if you’re like me, you’ll love the tabula rasa theory (a blank slate existing in its original state) that allows for some margin of error, or in this case, list reboot…after all, tomorrow is a new day, one that begins with no mistakes or lists in it and we can start over if we must. Ahhhh….a blank page that has been wiped clean. In fact, starting brand-new is often just the thing we need. Such thinking takes the pressure off and reminds us to remember: spontaneity can be freeing and refreshing. Yes, it’s permissible to change The Plan (of course, only if you have one to begin with); that way, the joy isn’t taken out of every moment. We then realize finishing The List (and who does that ever anyway?) doesn’t necessarily bring instant happiness. Besides, tabula rasa doesn’t mean forever blank…instead, it allows for a new day, new lists. That’s Life.

So after some more ruminating, I’ve come to realize that sometimes Life’s diversions, unsettling and painful for us methodical types, are often ways of redirecting us into other paths we would never voluntarily go on. Seize those opportunities!

“OBSTACLES ARE DETOURS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION”